What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
– Langston Hughes
Today, Facebook reminded me of a post I did exactly four years ago. It made me smile… and it also reminded me of how long I’ve been wanting to pursue my passions. Upon writing this entry, I had just completed my third quarter in culinary school and found out that I was pregnant half way through (FYI… I had not revealed so online nor in the post). It was very difficult.
I was extremely tired, worked full-time, attended classes in the evening that lasted until midnight, experienced nausea… I didn’t know how I could continue on this path, however, I decided to push through the quarter. After some thought, I decided that it would be best to inform my teacher and take a leave from the Art Institute. Needless to say, I was disappointed that I had come this far and now I have to put it on hold. But it was the best thing for me to do at the time. I would be on my feet for 4-5 hours in a hot kitchen, moving fast. The way I felt, I didn’t see a healthy situation for my pregnant self.
After my last class, I packed up my chef coats, class work, and schedule for the Pastry Arts program, and vowed to myself that I would one day pick up where I left off and not forget about my dream. I’m not sure if culinary school is still in the plans, but I am pursuing a Pastry career in a different way… along with other desires. I won’t cross it off my list, though.
Posted September 22, 2012
“Yeeeessssss!!!!! I got a perfect 100 score on part 2 of my final!!! And a ‘B’ on part 1. I’ll still take that… I’m still in awe, considering the fact that two of the three dishes I never made before, struggled to keep up through the quarter for various reasons, and even DOUBTED my journey to pursue my dream of being a professional Pastry Chef.
I began thinking if I should’ve waited; I don’t want anymore school loans; do I really need this? I’m a great baker already; working full time and going to school is so draining; I’m exhausted; I feel like I’m just turning wheels in life… etc. Feeling defeated, I was left with two choices: to quit or push through beyond my circumstances.
After much prayer and weighing all my options, I began to think about how I saw my dad work full time and go to school. He would come home many nights working on the computer way passed us going to sleep and just went to bed when we woke up for school to try to get at least 2 hrs of sleep before he went to work… then I remembered hanging outside of my mom’s class as she pursued her teaching credentials and balanced work, three children, a husband, and we still had breakfast, lunch, and dinner prepared… and they still graduated! I thought to myself, if they did it, I can do it too!
So, I decided to push through and I finished the quarter on a high note. What’s funny about it, is that my teacher told me I was doing awesome and was on a roll. “I am?” Was my response, in disbelief. Even when I received my score at the end of class, I still didn’t comprehend how well I did. I just couldn’t believe that I made it to the end and was about to go on a much needed break from school.
It wasn’t until I was almost home that I realized how GREAT I did. I couldn’t believe that I was so numb, so focused on getting the next thing done, that I missed an opportunity to be HAPPY at the very moment I received my score! Smh
I’m proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up like I wanted to. All I kept thinking about is my ultimate goal and why I decided to take on this journey in the first place. Aside from prayer and meditation, perseverance, patience, and discipline really works. Believe in yourself and don’t let anything stop you from making your dream a reality. Thanks Mom and Dad for setting a great example.”
Moral of the story: Don’t give up on you and your dreams!
Peace and Love!
P.S. Thank you, Kay, for helping me out behind the scenes!